Who Would Jesus Vote For?

As I watch the news, or see the latest craziness from the far right wing conservatives I often wonder what merits of conservatism draws people to support it. So I decided to start asking my friends and it turned into a long running debate on whether or not conservatism had ever actually accomplished anything. My stand was that by definition conservatism could never accomplish anything, as its purpose was to withhold progress and maintain the status quo.

We really couldn’t think of any great accomplishments that could be clearly attributed to conservatives. Instead in nearly every great social advancement through American history, it was conservatives fighting on the wrong side against the progressives. Slavery, Womens rights, Segregation, Gay rights, and so forth were all fights where progressive ideals overcame strong conservative opposition. Sadly we are still fighting all of these battles against conservatives who still think we’re living in the dark ages.

Well, we seem to be stuck on 3 accomplishments for conservatives, so I would be interested in knowing if anyone can add to this list. I am already aware that 2 of the 4 accomplishments actually have negative effects, but conservatives still like them so we have decided to add them anyhow. Also, the other one is only a conservative accomplishment if you ignore a lot of history, but again we decided to include them to make conservatives feel better.

Conservative Accomplishment #1: The Fall of the Soviet Union

Conservatives credit Ronald Reagan, singlehandedly, with the fall of the evil empire. While I do give him credit for being president during the fall of the Soviet Union, I’m not sure how much credit he deserves. You also have to give credit to President Truman for the Marshall Plan which allowed the rest of Europe’s economy and quality of life to surpass the Soviet Unions and also kept them from turning to communism. Then there is the effect of JFK’s space program that played a large roll as well. Plus we can’t forget the Beatles whom Artemy Troitsky credits as having “done more for the fall of Communism, than any other western institution”. Plus dozens more factors as well played into the collapse, so Reagan’s policies and military budget played a minimal part at best. Since this post is about Conservative accomplishments I will ignore the humanitarian crisis caused by Reagan’s inaction.

Conservative Accomplishment #2: Prohibition

Prohibition, referred to as the “the noble experiment” by Herbert Hoover, was a policy that was intended to reduce sin, improve health, and improve society as a whole. Of course the actual result was in increase in crime and violence as prohibition created an extremely lucrative black market for alcohol. “Secret” bars and speakeasies were common place and the law was flagrantly violated. Overall a stunningly ineffective attempt to legislate morality, or at least morality as the conservative saw it. Prohibition is now looked upon as one of the dumbest conservative policies of all time, which is quite an accomplishment. Therefore it makes our list.

Conservative Accomplishment #3: The War on Drugs

Otherwise known as Prohibition II. The modern war on drugs was begun by Richard Nixon, then intensified by Ronald Reagan, and still continues today. The war on drugs has had the same effect as Prohibition had on reducing use, none. In addition to that it has predictably created the same lucrative black market, which spawned the inevitable gang wars and violence. So not surprisingly the war on drugs has had the same result as the prior attempt at legislating conservative values onto an unwilling people. On the bright side, if you’re a conservative, America now holds 1 in 100 of its adult population in jails and prisons.

Well, those are the only 3 accomplishments that we could think of for conservatives. I would like to know if anyone can add to that. The rules are simple. The accomplishments must embody and further core conservative values. They cannot be general accomplishments under Republican presidents. For example while Lincoln was a Republican ending slavery was a progressive ideal of the time. We have also decided that while imperialism and warfare appear to be conservative ideals, for the sake of argument we will exclude wars, killing people, and conquest. For the same reason the death penalty is also not allowed as a conservative accomplishment.