Well, everyone is writing about Blackwater’s newer friendlier logo. At first I couldn’t figure out how this could be news. I mean, why should it be news that a mercenary group responsible for the mass shooting of Iraqi civilians has a new logo? Shouldn’t we be more interested in important things, like that they killed 17 civilians and not get distracted by a silly public relations scam to appear friendlier?

Then I figured it out. See Blackwater isn’t really answerable to any sort of legal oversight so they can’t really make amends through the normal means of going to prison for many years. To ease their tortured conscious they are extending the olive branch of peace through a more friendly logo. Below is a side by side comparison of the two logo’s, look and see for yourself.

Anyone looking at these two logo’s will immediately know that Blackwater feels horrible for the killings, and the maiming, and the destroying of the property and so forth. It’s right there in the font they used. Before they were using a scary font ripped off the cover of a cheesy shoot em up war novel, but now they are using a friendly font. This new font says it all. These are not the Blackwater thugs of 2 days ago, these are the professional and polite mercenaries of tomorrow.

Now, some may still wonder “is this all they are doing to make amends”? To these dead enders who hate freedom and liberty I say NO! It’s not. This will be an ongoing process. Every time Blackwater guards kill a bunch of civilians or some guy’s bodyguard, or randomly run people off the roads, they will make their log friendlier and friendlier until people no longer think of them as mercenaries above the law. My prediction is that by Christmas we will see the following logo.

This logo uses the same friendly font styles, with the addition of balloons. Everyone loves balloons, well except for those who are still waking up at night with dreams of the Christian Pedophile Clown. This new logo will instill new confidence in Blackwater’s humanity and allow the mercenary group to continue working in Iraq a while longer.

However, I don’t expect that the people of Iraq will be swayed by balloons as much as we in America are and at some point a bunch of them will probably get themselves killed by Blackwater mercenaries. Of course this will be entirely their fault for doing something suspicious like driving through an intersection. After another mass killing of civilians America will finally be tired of putting up with a bunch of armed thugs and push to have them arrested and fired.

That is when they will pull out their secret weapon. A logo so cute that no one will be able to hate them, no matter the crimes they have committed. This logo is so cute and lovable I can’t show it to you here, but this is an idea of what it could look like.

Awwww, cute and loyal as a Puppy. Of course, with a logo like this no one will ever believe the allegations against Blackwater, and all will be forgiven. In fact it will be so damn cute that Blackwater will be invited to train our police force, or perform humanitarian duties in cases of national emergencies like Katrina.